Day Twenty-One: The One in Which I Get Real With Myself

Failure!! On Day 15, I had my annual family gathering.  On Day 18, true to tradition, I came down with a cold.  It's had me tired and struggling to breathe since, though there's been some small improvement every day. 

On Day 18, I could do nothing but lie on the couch and watch TV. I did my tasks on paper. However, I was still out of it on Day 19 and Day 20, on which I went to my first class.  I was consuming carbs like they were going out of style.  (I'd read that sickness can spur that bodily demand for healing energy.)  I haven't been to the gym since Day 17.  I feared a big weight gain, right back to over 145.  I feared all sorts of set backs.

I considered restarting this challenge.  Then I remembered that I would not be able to control for the weather, additional colds (though I'll better protect myself now) and other derailments like my midterms or upcoming surgery.  The only time I can carve out for my surgery will be in April, around the spring break (for both of us).  That will give me 10 consecutive days in which I can stay in bed and not move much.  I won't have to go back to class until that Monday. But those days are all before Day 100. 

Then I remembered a piece of advice about weight loss "Learn how to fail small."  A single set back doesn't mean I have to give up and start all over.  I can incorporate the set backs into my plans and learn from them.  I may want to be like Lakeisha, unrelenting in my 100 day challenge. But the truth is that Lakeisha is a lot younger than I am with no children.  She likely has a job to go to, but that may be the extent of her personal responsibilities.   She also likely has a lot more energy to bounce back from something like a cold. 

I can be like Lakeisha in other ways; I can cross the finish line.  After all, if we were running a race, I'd have to be out of my mind to think I'd be faster than someone her age anyway, right?

Perhaps I need to rephrase this challenge:  "By Day 100 I will have..." and fill in the blanks as I go along, with the process being my information.  I will still attempt the five tasks per day for the next 80 days, but I can't be rigid about this.  I have to be realistic about my age, my lifestyle and my sense of priorities.  I've already gained part of what Lakeisha says she gained: I found a renewed sense of positivity about myself and my future.   And that's worth all of the little failures in the world.

My head is now swimming with plans for the future; goals I believe I can achieve. As the time marches on, I find more goals being added into the process.  I've found my relationship with my husband again.  I've found my thrill of learning again.  I've found my desire to achieve again. 

Most importantly, I've found my ability to let go of things I cannot control.  My son's school will simply remain as horrible as they are.  He's only in first grade.  I can compensate for where they fail.  He has so much time to make up for what he's missing right now.  The important part is that he is no longer complaining to me about school. He no longer hates going there and that is due in no small part to his fantastic teacher.

Things ARE looking up now.  I feel like I want to do more.  The days are longer for me now because I'm so productive during the time.

Therefore, Day Twenty One will be a day of Reckoning.   I'm still a bit sick, so I have no plans to go to the gym this evening. I just won't rule it out.  I will be doing only minor clutter clearance.  I can't move on the photo wall project until the ink for my printer gets here.  I need to work on math in preparation for the exam due tomorrow.  I have a ton laundry to do.  I have to get to some appointment making too.  I will get my meditation done soon enough. 

Update 12:20: My Creative work is done for today! The new boxes were filled with some stuff from each year.  (That also counted as clutter clearance.) Getting some laundry done now.  I just called the NYBG and found that registration had not yet started for the Spring program.  That's cool.    I have to now call Legatt's office and remake my appointment.  Incidentally, I was still 144 lbs. this morning.  I'm thisclose to no longer being overweight for the first time since pregnancy.   Oh protein shakes, you have helped!!

Update 1:15:  I have so much math work to do.  Sigh.  Plus I haven't called to reschedule my appointment with Legatt.  I have to make sure I don't schedule it on a day in which I have either class or a dentist appointment. 

Update 2:15: Made the appointment with Legatt.  Figured out a theme for the boxes; Decoupage.

Day Eighteen - The One in Which Sickness Gets Me Down

At first, I thought I was just tired.  But then it went beyond a nap in the AM after I'd dropped Alex off at school.  I continued to be too tired to do anything.  My throat was burning.  Yup, I was sick.

This happens nearly every year after I see my family.  Sigh.

So, I gave myself a break today.  I worked on clutter clearance on paper, making a list of each place to be sorted.  I tried to do math study, but it just wouldn't gel.  Meditation happened in the AM, when I realized that I was strangely still very tired upon waking.  Gym was a no go today.

I watched Jane Eyre and Ken Burns' National Park series.  Even Alex got out of most of his homework today.

Today rates a big fat, 1.

Tomorrow is another day. I am DETERMINED to make my dental appointment.

Day Seventeen - The One In Which I Get More Time

Alex has his first after school club today.  I remembered to pack an after school snack. What has yet to be seen is if I'll get everything done before I have to pick him up. 

Far too many of my days are spent doing procrastinated tasks.  I don't plan time OFF for myself.  I need to work this challenge so that I have a little to do in the evenings and weekends as possible. The most unpleasant tasks are my housework and the clutter clearance.  It seems that going to the gym at night is not as unpleasant as I thought it might be.  I'm quite enjoying the night walks. 

It seems that the schedule that actually works for me is to do all of the housework in the AM, but to have a cut off.  And now that the xmas decorations are away and the family gathering is over, to limit my clutter clearance to an hour a day. 

The Creative Work is becoming a chore.  I have to change that too.

I managed to get through Creative Work by shopping for fabrics and attempting different frames for Alex's art.   I did housework a lot today.  Unfortunately, it may have been too much.  There was some clutter clearance that went on, but not enough.  I'll try that after Alex is done with his homework.  The biggest issue today was that I FORGOT that my new class schedule is Monday and Thursday.  That means was supposed to be in class today and didn't go.  GAH!!!

Oh well, at least this gives me some time to plan better.  For the time being, I'll just deal with the to do list as is.  What I have left so far for today is 1) Clutter Clearance; 2) Gym.  Today is Monday, so I won't feel so badly just jogging on a treadmill. 

Alex has a looooot of homework tonight.  Plus we have to really work on his spelling words.  I may allow him to wait until tomorrow for that.

Day Sixteen - The One In Which I Get Back on Track

I made it today.  I did all five to goal!

It helps a lot that my Coursera class started, so it gives me a study plan to follow. It also helped to get off the photo wall for a little while and turn my focus to other projects, like the memory boxes.  I even got to the gym just before they closed.  (But no yoga class. I'm working towards that.)  Meditation was done in the late AM and briefly in the evening.  Mostly, clutter clearance happened today.  I assembled the new entryway bench and cleaned the foyer.  I cleaned the guinea pigs' cage.  It left a path to follow for the next steps.

AND I got to be with Dan too.

I rate this day a 10. 

Day Fourteen - The One In Which Chores Get In the Way

Many, many obligations today.  Art Class after school.  Dry Cleaning to be picked up.  Xmas decorations to come down.  Hair cut and colored. Cleaning to be done.  Then, the grocery delivery to be accepted and put away. 

I'll count the goals I accomplished; clutter clearance, math study BRIEFLY (Coursera started today), gym (running only), all of my supplements taken plus the protein shake. 

I had to remind myself that this is a challenge, not a dictate.  The point find joy and purpose in life again.  This day was plenty productive, if not entirely compliant with the challenge.

I rate it a 7.

After tomorrow, I'll be able to focus on what I need to accomplish over the next three months.

Day Twelve - The One In Which I Catch Up Long Neglected Business

Alex had a late arrival today.  Dan worked from home.  I got what I could done of my Five, but there was something long neglected that Dan and I worked on today.

I had to keep struggling to let go.  Once I did, it was fantastic.

I also got to the gym in the evening, after having spent the earlier part of the day sorting through loose papers and reviewing photos. 

Day Eleven - The One in which the Weather Makes Other Plans

I received the call at the customary 6:50 AM today.  All schools in the Rye Neck district would close at noon.  It was late enough for me to make my doctor's appointment IF, and only if, I drove.  Since I'd be dependent on the 61 to get me back to town in time to get him, I would have to reschedule my appointment.  The only problem is that I can't get through to the switchboard to do that.  I hope I don't get charged for this appointment.

Rearrangements must be made.  I've already thought of a way to get my workouts in if, due to the snow, I can't get to the gym or the gym is closed.  I can always do a yoga session here.  And I may have to break out the 28 day challenge from 2012 for Wednesday's workout.  Either way, I'm confident that I'll get it done.

All other stuff gets done at home.  Meditation. Math study. Creative Work. Clutter clearance.  I think with some time at home I may get a lot done.  It's up to me to make that happen.

In other news, my abdomen isn't budging.  It's stuck at 32-33.  My waist, however, seems to have gone under 30 inches.  So that's something.  I'll just continue what I'm doing because it's taking weight off too.  It may very well be that I'll be 142 again just in time for school.  MAN! I am excited about school starting.  (For the theory classes, not the being 142 again.)

Update: I didn't get to my doctor's appointment nor do much of anything else.  I picked Alex up at noon, as expected.  I did meditate. I did clear clutter regarding the Xmas decorations.  I also did some photo selection.  But, it still wasn't a good day.   The weather threw me off my game.

Sigh.  This is a "challenge", not a dictate, right?