Failure!! On Day 15, I had my annual family gathering. On Day 18, true to tradition, I came down with a cold. It's had me tired and struggling to breathe since, though there's been some small improvement every day.
On Day 18, I could do nothing but lie on the couch and watch TV. I did my tasks on paper. However, I was still out of it on Day 19 and Day 20, on which I went to my first class. I was consuming carbs like they were going out of style. (I'd read that sickness can spur that bodily demand for healing energy.) I haven't been to the gym since Day 17. I feared a big weight gain, right back to over 145. I feared all sorts of set backs.
I considered restarting this challenge. Then I remembered that I would not be able to control for the weather, additional colds (though I'll better protect myself now) and other derailments like my midterms or upcoming surgery. The only time I can carve out for my surgery will be in April, around the spring break (for both of us). That will give me 10 consecutive days in which I can stay in bed and not move much. I won't have to go back to class until that Monday. But those days are all before Day 100.
Then I remembered a piece of advice about weight loss "Learn how to fail small." A single set back doesn't mean I have to give up and start all over. I can incorporate the set backs into my plans and learn from them. I may want to be like Lakeisha, unrelenting in my 100 day challenge. But the truth is that Lakeisha is a lot younger than I am with no children. She likely has a job to go to, but that may be the extent of her personal responsibilities. She also likely has a lot more energy to bounce back from something like a cold.
I can be like Lakeisha in other ways; I can cross the finish line. After all, if we were running a race, I'd have to be out of my mind to think I'd be faster than someone her age anyway, right?
Perhaps I need to rephrase this challenge: "By Day 100 I will have..." and fill in the blanks as I go along, with the process being my information. I will still attempt the five tasks per day for the next 80 days, but I can't be rigid about this. I have to be realistic about my age, my lifestyle and my sense of priorities. I've already gained part of what Lakeisha says she gained: I found a renewed sense of positivity about myself and my future. And that's worth all of the little failures in the world.
My head is now swimming with plans for the future; goals I believe I can achieve. As the time marches on, I find more goals being added into the process. I've found my relationship with my husband again. I've found my thrill of learning again. I've found my desire to achieve again.
Most importantly, I've found my ability to let go of things I cannot control. My son's school will simply remain as horrible as they are. He's only in first grade. I can compensate for where they fail. He has so much time to make up for what he's missing right now. The important part is that he is no longer complaining to me about school. He no longer hates going there and that is due in no small part to his fantastic teacher.
Things ARE looking up now. I feel like I want to do more. The days are longer for me now because I'm so productive during the time.
Therefore, Day Twenty One will be a day of Reckoning. I'm still a bit sick, so I have no plans to go to the gym this evening. I just won't rule it out. I will be doing only minor clutter clearance. I can't move on the photo wall project until the ink for my printer gets here. I need to work on math in preparation for the exam due tomorrow. I have a ton laundry to do. I have to get to some appointment making too. I will get my meditation done soon enough.
Update 12:20: My Creative work is done for today! The new boxes were filled with some stuff from each year. (That also counted as clutter clearance.) Getting some laundry done now. I just called the NYBG and found that registration had not yet started for the Spring program. That's cool. I have to now call Legatt's office and remake my appointment. Incidentally, I was still 144 lbs. this morning. I'm thisclose to no longer being overweight for the first time since pregnancy. Oh protein shakes, you have helped!!
Update 1:15: I have so much math work to do. Sigh. Plus I haven't called to reschedule my appointment with Legatt. I have to make sure I don't schedule it on a day in which I have either class or a dentist appointment.
Update 2:15: Made the appointment with Legatt. Figured out a theme for the boxes; Decoupage.
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